i wanna do my hair just like hers.

Also, I want to do my life just like hers...

Jenny Lewis "See Fernando" on Vimeo.

HBWF

Good to know it was all a game.
Disappointment has a name.
If you want more love, then why don't you say so?
that line is so good it hurts me.

cruel true & awesome.

Stuff
Christians
Like.

Murdock you're stupid.

Stop showing off your trumpet skills and frigging teach me something!! I do not show up to your classes at 9 & 11 to listen to you talk about what a genius you think you are. NEWSFLASH, you are obnoxious and you rubbed me the wrong way today for the last time and I just can't take you anymore. I'm not an idiot... I'm capable of learning when I have a capable teacher... I learn something new in all my classes every day except for yours... I respect all my professors except for YOU. AAAAHHHHHHH.

Excuse #8393857474?

I'm in a constant state of 'This is almost perfect'...
but I swore to myself a long time ago I'd NEVER settle for 'almost'.
NEVER ever EVER.
No matter how lonely, how lazy, how busy, how intimidated...
I'm always standing on the edge of something.
What. in. the. heck. will it take for me to finally throw myself over?

&&&

still.
It's crazy how love stays with me.
And it hurts me cause I don't wanna fight this war.
It's amazing to see me reading through this scene
of love. and fear. and apologies.

heart attack

next

I need a bed that nobody’s slept in.
I need some air nobody’s been breathing.

I need someone whose price hasn’t been met.
When everybody’s disappearing by the minute, there isn’t anyone left.

I need a garden where nothing’s forbidden.
I need an apple that no one’s been eating.

I want to start again back at the beginning.

I had a vision that this feeling maybe has an ending.

hm.

they are never as attractive as you thought they were, after the fact.
hindsight is 20/20... and you were so much cuter before all this.
weird.

shut up ya stupid train!!!!!

in.
som.
nia.

12:25

"To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and to endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty;
to find the best in others;
to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...
This is to have succeeded."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

strumming fail.

i am currently a terrible guitar player,
but i am still trying to be one nonetheless.

:)

probably.

"Got kicked in the head so I started a fight,
cause I knew I was right ... but I learned I was wrong."

But I live and I learn.

plus this.

i want it that way.

I don't know any of these people.
But if I ever have to work in a office, I hope to Jesus it is exactly like this.
Life should be like this every day. Modern day heroes, I tell you.

once again

COULD YOU
NOT
DO THAT?
PLEASE?

THANKS.

1.

"For some reason, we love to ignore who or what it is we really are. But being truly human and liking it requires self-knowledge. It gives our experience resonance. It lends a vibe, an echo, a wholeness to what we think & feel. Self-knowledge is fun. It leads to wonderment, personal investigation, and new discoveries. It opens up the cracks and lets loose the bits and pieces of ourselves we haven't met... yet."

- Ilene Seglove & Paul Bob Velick,
Authors of
'List Your Self - Listmaking Your Way to Self-Discovery'

Soapboxish.

Dear Facebook,

A Few Things :

1) - You. You there, the one with the status after status about how ugly you are and how much you hate your life and how you don't understand why you're alone and boys/girls don't like you and you need to lose weight and blah blah blahhhhh... Someone out there does love you, and someone does care, you are not ugly, and you do not need to make your status tacky to get attention to feel better! Really, I promise. Everyone has bad days but you should smile while you delete your mile long list of depressing mumbo-jumbo:) Really! Smile! Before you forget how!

2) - To every drunk girl ever - Don't post pictures, it was only cool if you were there & drunk too. Clearly we didn't enjoy it as much as you did. We don't need 97 pictures of your eyes rolled back in your head? p.s. - leggings aren't pants.

3) - STOP TAKING QUIZZES FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY.

4) - Farmtown is boring... i'll admit I played once but your farm wasn't as good as mine so please don't send me pictures of your attempts.

5) - If you don't want people to call you by your first middle & last names collectively, then don't make it your profile name? When I see you in public you can be sure I will only call you by the goofiest one. thanks.

6) - Remember when bumper sticker ruled this place? What happened? I miss it.

7) - Don't tell me when you're bored. It is already evident we ALL are... we. are. on. Facebook.

8) - Pageant Girls. You're pretty. THAT IS WHY YOU'RE IN PAGEANTS. But I'm hereby giving you a FIVE 'picture of me in my dress winning my crown look how tan I am' maximum. Did you hear me? Only 5. Not 555. Don't care if you have a interview outfit either, that is a part of the 5. oh, and sash pictures too. Glad we've settled this.

9) - If one more person asks me an inappropriate question on facebook chat at 3 in the morning i will probably explode. I know you're a perv but please keep it to yourself and I'll see ya later on 'To Catch a Predator'

10) - Please. Never learn to spell, I love laughing at you.

11) - The person with the most tagged pictures of themselves wins. Really. I'm challenging you. I'm at an EMBARRASSING 2,400 so I've decided i'll just own it instead of frantically deleting tags... Go on, try me. I can take you on. ;)

12) - I know what you're thinking - hmmm this note is rude. Well know this - I'm partly kidding but i'm mostly serious.... ummm... :) :) :). also, I'm making fun of myself cause i'm on facebook toooooooo much but this makes me feel I like have the authority to lay down the law ;)

thank you and goodnight.

I JUST WANT TO

read a lot more books like maybe the bazillion ive started & never finished and never ever ever stop listening to music and paint with you next Monday and watch Schindler's list cause I'm currently obsessed with the Holocaust and dream about Mads Europe tour and become a better actress and go salsa dancing and love more people and maybe make eye contact with you for the first time in months if i feel like it and you happen to be around and dance on the first snow day and play my guitar too loud and practice my spelling skills and get better at dadgum sub-divisions in conducting and tell dumb MrArualTheoryTeacher he's dumb and perform a paramore song and teach someone to blow a bubble and pet a penguin and have a picnic even though its getting colder and maybe i'll even wear my snuggie and eat a whole meal in the caf that i actually enjoy and see my cat and maybe call you since we haven't really talked in like, a year and figure you out and maybe go to target and for once not buy something and do my laundry just cause i feel like it and meet the cast of glee and cook for you and learn to stop eating every carb in sight and kissssssss yoooooou and to keep working on my confidence and never stop collecting cheesy inspirational quotes and dress up like a cave woman for halloween and keep loving SGA and make sure to wash my face every single night ever and always be genuine and honest and up front and maybe lose ten pounds maybe more when i start training for this marathon i say i'm gonna run and learn to sew and/or knit and start letting people read my lyrics i dont have music for yet and write more and dance more and care about others more

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand just be myself. And never make any sense.

until

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."

- E. E. Cummings

can't put my finger on it

Im still thinking about this -
i can't quit thinking about how i miss you, but you're right here.
I see you every day. i just texted you. You're my best friend.

I'm missing the old you, when really you stayed the same.
Its me that changed.

I knew it never could have worked for obvious and really complicated reasons
and although every bit of that feeling is gone, its like i miss how i used to feel...?

I'm dying for someone to care about. i cared SO MUCH about you.
Then one day it was just.... gone.
How did that happen? How is that even possible.
Did I ever really care in the first place?

I wish you had changed everything for me but in reality
you just made things more complicated.

but I love you anyhow:)

i just need to take that dumb song off my computer.

the holocaust breaks my heart.

just watched 'The boy in the striped pajamas'. I can't quit crying.

also, this is me.

i can't freaking wait for this.

you.

Sometimes i'll hear a song and i hurt again and i ache and i get so mad and i miss you so much and i wish none of this had ever happened and that we could have just kept on going and my mind flips back to how i used to feel and then i compare it to how i feel now and i cannot understand for the life of me how we ended up this way and i felt so strong and some days i still do and i think about how i was never sure about you but looking back now if you hadn't given up on me maybe i could have been sure but i never was and that makes me sad but i'm glad its this way because i didn't really trust you and you don't trust anyone but at the same time i'm getting tired of just blacking out parts of my life that hurt but its only because i remember the good times and that is what hurts, not just missing you but you were a mistake and a black hole for my heart and we would never have made it and i know that but in my fairy tail head i changed everything for you and you changed everything for me and we understood each other but in my practical head everything was wrong and i picked you apart and nearly hated you but now i'm missing you.

but its only because i heard that song.

OH HEY im a grown upppp

21.

this just in -

i'm
currently
compiling
a
list
of
the
grown
up
things
i
wanna
do.

:)

I'm running a marathon.

OKAY so I'm running/walking a marathon.

I start training in November.
Look out world :)