Goosebumps.

Is this real life? 

:) :) :) :) :)

SAVAGES, SAVAGES.

This was my 5,000th tweet :

I didn't even do it on purpose!! #justbeingmiley #Pocahontasforever

just warms my heart.

I know one of my love languages is 'Words Of Affirmation', but when a good guy friend of mine calmed my nervous ramblings by saying 'Kathleen, you're gorgeous. You have nothing to worry about.'... I just smile so big my January chapped lips crack a little.

Innocent compliments mean so much to me. Most of the time they totally knock me over, and I can barely accept them I get so bashful... but man. Sometimes you don't even know how much you needed to hear something until seconds after you FINALLY do. It doesn't have to be about my appearance, or even be from a guy. A true, genuine compliment from anyone who has really been paying attention, well man. There is just no better feeling in the world. Giving them out feels so good too. We should all just lift each other up ALL. THE. TIME. Why don't we? Why not?

This is not about being pretty... its about FEELING pretty, and thats hard to keep up sometimes.
I just can't even tell you how him saying that sentence blessed my lil' tired emotional heart.

facts.

- My fingernails have never been this long. Life with a little less stress has been great for them?

- My brother is fun to be around.

- I need to cook more // warm things up less.

- I'm close to crazy about you.

- Can I borrow your food processor? Cause I'm obsessed with Jessica Seinfield.

- Its almost bathing suit time... which totes strikes fear in the hearts of my thighs.

- Can I please just take her place for like, one day? I just wanna know what this must be like.

- When I say 'I'm in the process of applying to graduate school', I do mean that, BUTTTT I also kinda mean 'I'm sleeping past 10am every day unless someone drags me out of bed but to make up for it I stay up till 3, learning how to play my favorite musical instruments & sew & cook & knit, rereading the Harry Potter series, working at an arts & crafts store for less money than I need but more money than I've ever made before, spending HOURS making grocery decisions, daydreaming about my future boyfraaaand whoever he is or whoever I hope he is, leading worship at church, making random stuff to sell on Etsy that you should totally buy, watching The Bachelor & PLL & Parenthood religiously, AND MY FAVORITE PART, hanging out with my beautiful friends whenever the heck I feel like it...' Thats what I REALLY mean. WHY SHOULD I EVER COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING EVER!?!?!? I NEED TO SWALLOW EVERY COMPLAINT I'VE EVER HAD, BECAUSE I AM SO FRIGGIN' LUCKY RIGHT NOW!!!!!

- I forgot to buy cheerios.

kbye.

THESE ARE NOT RESOLUTIONS

So - New Years is my favorite ever. That first breath of a clean slate always feels SO GOOD - even if the year before was lovely! Which, 2011 totally was. 'Swonderful, if you will.

okay anyway.

So, I made a list of resol... NO, GOALS for the year 2012.
I've already written these down in my journal, but I like the thrill of someone reading this, then asking me "Hey, Kathleen - are you REALLY brushing your teeth more than 2x a day? Or did that only last till Jan 2?" Accountability, people. It works.

(When I say 'people', I really mean the people that I've made up in my head that enjoy how much I ramble. Its still unclear if those people are real. Hi Griffin.)


1) - Take care of my skin. I will never go to bed with makeup on unless I may die on the way from the bed to the bathroom - in which case, forget the makeup, and get me to a hospital.

2) - Brush my teeth MORE than 2x a day. I'm afraid of cavities in my old age.

3) - Read before bed. It can be any sort of reading that isn't on my computer screen.

4) - Think about reading the bible alllllll the way through... I haven't committed to this one yet... MAYBE if its The Message. And I skip 'Numbers'.

5) - Play my guitar in front of a crowd - It doesn't matter when it happens, as long as it happens before Dec. 31.

6) - Play my keyboard in front of a crowd. Same rules apply as my guitar.

7) - Write a real, true blue song. Finish it, let people hear it, don't keep changing the lyrics, don't be embarrassed of it, don't turn bright red when someone says they hate it/love it/wanna buy it/wanna burn it - and attempt to do this more than once. No specific number, but ONE is the minimum

8) - Apply to at least 3 grad schools. Wait till 2013 to FULLY make a final decision on where I'm moving.

9) - Make stuff. Lots of stuff. Don't care what stuff - just gotta keep the inspiration alive.

10) - Get out of my own way. (this will carry on for many years to come... it has to. Or I will never be truly living.)

Don't have sparklers at your wedding. They seem so dangerous.

The Fine Print : I'm 23. I've had 3 boyfriends in the last 10 years. I've been single for the last 3, mostly because those 3 relationships + the "we were never really official but I thought it was something"s left me pretty darn shell-shocked. I haven't told a boy 'I love you' since I was 15... so I'm not really sure if I knew what it meant. I am a virgin. Currently, I am not dating anyone. (or texting or 'talking' or  'hanging out', or 'hooking up' ugh so many ways to say it these days, why it that someone PLEASE enlighten me??)

I was a bridesmaid last October, I'm going to be a bridesmaid again this March, I'm singing at my cousin's wedding in a couple months, and one of my best friends just got engaged yesterday. There are more coming, I'm sure of it. I've already sang at 5 in the last 2 years.

Basically, I could possibly live out the phrase 'Always the bridesmaid, never the bride' for the next few years - I have a lot of lovely girlfriends (and guy friends... I DO have those) who are in lovely relationships, and I have the past experience to be sittin' pretty for awhile.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY?
I SAY WHO %@@#ING CARES!!!!?!? 

I'm so happy for my friends. SO UNBELIEVABLY EXCITED.
They found their other penguin! The will have babies one day! And I get to watch and hold that new human hours after its born! Maybe I'll even be a Godmother! They will pick out flowers and venues and flavors for a cake that I GET TO EAT! They will stress over color palets and arguments with the mother in law and I get to help! His/Her house becomes THEIR house. That is so cool. I get to help paint THEIR house probably, cause thats what newly married couples make their friends do, and the unwritten rule is they must provide pizza. Man, I just love that. All of it. Society tries so hard to ruin this tradition and STILL - we keep coming back to 1+1. Its so beautiful.

I love weddings. I love other people's weddings. I love flowers and dancing and bouquet tosses and friends and kisses and white dresses and baby quiches on fancy platters and awkward maid of honor speeches and something borrowed and MANNNN just... its the best. (I do not like any of this if the marriage seems rushed or its clearly a terrible match - thats another blog post, eh)

I refuse to be sad that its my friends and not me.
In fact, I couldn't even be sad if I tried.
I'm too excited for everyone else!
And I'm exciting because I. Believe. In. True. Love.
It will happen for me one day, I have a peace in my heart about that for sure -
but I just don't care when.

In the meantime, I'll be blissfully happy for you.
And I'll wear the dress that you picked out for me, as long as my boobs look good in it.
And I'll sing the song you want, and try REALLY HARD not to cry.
And I'll eat your cake AND OH MY GOODNESS I'LL JUST LOVE IT.

one hundred schmuhundred

I know the point of a '100 calorie pack' is to only eat one, but they are like friggin' pringles!!

I CAN'T POSSIBLY STOP AT ONE.

CheezIts, forever.

The best gift I ever survived.

Good Lord I love TED talks.

a beautiful city

We can build a beautiful city.
Yes, we can,
Yes, we can.
We can build a beautiful city. 
Not a city of angels,
But we can build a city of men.

When your trust is all but shattered, and when your faith is all but killed, 

you can give up.. bitter and battered... OR you can slowly start to build.