I learned it from the interwebz.

Okay - so. I really like learning. [#cheese] But there is something about putting interesting info in a textbook and forcing me to read it that makes everything 99.9% LESS interesting. (I'm a senior in college, CAN'T YOU TELL.) I'd rather learn something by experiencing it, watching it, smelling it, singing it, making it - you get it. I love behind-the-scenes facts & I'm a random trivia collector, almost on accident. Example - I know Jimmy Carter was the first president to be born in a hospital. Whatever.

I'm the girl that is sleepy in every single 8am class, probably not because I was doing homework, but because I was in my bed reading a pointless Wikipedia page. Or watching 'This film is not yet rated' documentaries on Netflicks. Or youtubing myself into oblivion. Seriously - TED is incredible. and Wimp.com... (ignore the stupid ones about cars and fat men)

Anyway, I wrote all that to say - I've had the flu this week. And man oh man have I learned a few things from my bed. Way more than I would have in class, I promise. I've overdosed on Documentaries and I'm so happy about it - here are the ones that really got to me.

They are all on Netflicks, I'm not sure if they are available anywhere else...

Fall From Grace

1 hour & 49 minutes about the Westboro Baptist Church and I was ready to picket their right to picket. These people are so brainwashed, it was hurting me to watch. Standing outside soldiers funerals and calling gays 'fags' is what they think being a Christian is, and I've never disagreed more. I wasn't even upset with them, I just felt sad that they've never known the true beauty of love. They only know hate.

Inside North Korea

I know a few students who graduated from Trevecca who went to South Korea to teach English. And I know about those news anchors who accidentally crossed the Korean border and were imprisoned there for weeks. And I also knew that Kim Jong Il is a ridiculous man, but I never knew the country was THIS isolated. Its amazing how being American can keep your eyes closed to places like this. The people seem so blind to it as well - they love their leader. And they attribute every good thing in life to him? I'm sure this isn't the case with every North Korean, but this really inspired me to learn more. I wish I could visit. Too bad I'd go to jail.

Jesus Camp

 Okay - this one pretty much did nothing but make me mad. I've gone to church camp every summer of my life since I was 7, but never once has someone used my religion WRONGLY to manipulate my emotions this way. This is not real - this is not holy, this is not right. Becky Fischer should be ashamed. She has a point that the Christianity of American children should be taken seriously - but this is appalling. I'd elaborate more but its 10:39 and I'd like to sleep before midnight. My faith is nothing like this. Christianity is about what you do - not what you don't.

8 : The Mormon Proposition

I've always been fascinated by Mormonism. And I don't mean that in an offensive way, its just far far different from anything I was raised near. I'm not sure if I've ever met a Mormon. And I am obsessed with the show Big Love. And I can't stand watching 'Sister Wives' because their lives seem painful, but Its like a car wreck -  I can't stand to not look. This documentary is solely based on the Mormon church & its role in the Proposition 8 situation in California... and the Mormon Leaders did some major dirty work. I'm still not totally sure how I feel about Gay marriage, although I do believe Love is LOVE... but gays do NOT deserve this type of treatment. They deserve respect, and from the looks of this doc, they didn't get much.

Picture Me

Every girl will probably LOVE this one. Its all about the struggle and achievements of Sara Ziff, proving even the most seemingly glamorous life ISN'T. She talks about eating disorders, drugs, sexual abuse, nail polish and boobs... in the end she goes back to school to finish her education. That is pretty much why I turned down modeling, duh ;) (no, I didn't give away the end. watch it.)

 
Food Matters

I'm a sucker for food information, mostly because I'm usually on a diet. And that is because I'm certain that if I ALWAYS ate whatever I want, I'd have major health & weight issues.  This one was mostly interesting because their main argument was this - you can cure cancer with a healthy diet & vitamins. ummmmm - not sure if I'm a believer in that. I do think a healthy diet with exercise and vitamins/minerals can cure/regulate a lot of things, but overdosing on carrots won't get rid of the black lung you got from smoking too much. Sorry. p.s. The whole doc isn't about cancer. I just thought that was the silly part. 



This wasn't all I watched, I think I watched 10 documentaries total, 
but these were the note-worthy ones I think others should see :)

Its safe to say I was sick for 3 full days, and I still kind of am. Call me a computer geek if you will, but I love this stuff. ALSO - I don't want to be the sort of person who watches one documentary & then consider themselves an expert - so I want to learn more! 

I have to go do real homework now... shame. 

love & happiness.

I can't write anything here 

without exploding.

(blubbering//complaining/
/wallowing//being LAME)

I want to tell you how 

heavy my heart 

has been all [week].

But I also don't want to.
I'm trying to avoid it, okay?

I'm trying to keep it together.

  

But - I'm just sick

of always having to be the one

to hold back how I feel.

Just know this - 

I'LL LEARN 

TO HOLD BACK 

WHEN YOU LEARN 

TO LET GO.

TBA.

Dear,

Long were 

the nights

when my days

once revolved

around you.

all these words.

I'm drooling.

this dress is just to die for. I can't take it.

I'm not that strong

I just need you to know - its all an act.

I am feeling sad, I am feeling lonely, and I am not totally okay all the time.

I laugh, I talk back, and I tell you its fine - but that isn't the whole truth.

Some moments I laugh it off because its all a game, and some moments I remember how I could really feel if given the chance and I get so frustrated I can't see straight. 

But what can I do? Cry to your face? Beg you?

I don't think it will change anything.

And I don't even know what change could mean?

 There are only so many times I can be brutally honest before I start to feel completely naked.

Acting like nothing bothers me is my only option if I still want you here.

And I really want you here.

dxfcglkjbhvkflg.

and for the love of God: Go find it.

tonight i found this -  

Stop doing things out of obligation.

Lauren touched on this last month in her post rest. I think she puts it best in the lines "If you are working relentlessly out of guilt or self-inflicted obligation, stop immediately. If you think maybe you're working relentlessly because of guilt or self-inflicted obligation but aren't quite sure, stop immediately. The actions that fill your days should come out of health, joy, love, peace, and heart. If you've lost your passion, drop everything, and for the love of God: Go find it"

read that here, stopped, read it 6 more times, cried a little,
and then promised myself I'd always remember it. 

oh, you.

I wish you were here to tuck me into bed. 

But you aren't, so this PB&J will have to do all the comforting.

all things go, all things go

Its been a Dunn family tradition for the last few years to skip the traditional "GET EVERYONE 352 THINGS FOR CHRISTMAS" and take a trip instead. The four of us get along swimmingly 96% of the time so this is one of my favorite things about coming to Dothan... LEAVING AGAIN. ;)

This year we had plans to visit New York City again, the most wonderful place in the whole world. BUT it wasn't meant to be I suppose - a ginormous snow storm from HELL kicked us to the curb, along with what seemed like every other person in the ATL airport.

So we got crafty. We called our hotel & canceled, called Broadway, & got an ever cheaper flight to
CHICAGO instead!

New York City will always have a A++++ in my head, but Chicago still gets an A-... We had the best time, AND THE FLIGHT WAS HALF AS LONG. We win.

and this is how happy I was. 

Christmas break isn't over yet, but I still deem it a success. 

you think I'm kidding.

this is life in Dothan.