The Fine Print : I'm 23. I've had 3 boyfriends in the last 10 years. I've been single for the last 3, mostly because those 3 relationships + the "we were never really official but I thought it was something"s left me pretty darn shell-shocked. I haven't told a boy 'I love you' since I was 15... so I'm not really sure if I knew what it meant. I am a virgin. Currently, I am not dating anyone. (or texting or 'talking' or 'hanging out', or 'hooking up' ugh so many ways to say it these days, why it that someone PLEASE enlighten me??)
I was a bridesmaid last October, I'm going to be a bridesmaid again this March, I'm singing at my cousin's wedding in a couple months, and one of my best friends just got engaged yesterday. There are more coming, I'm sure of it. I've already sang at 5 in the last 2 years.
Basically, I could possibly live out the phrase 'Always the bridesmaid, never the bride' for the next few years - I have a lot of lovely girlfriends (and guy friends... I DO have those) who are in lovely relationships, and I have the past experience to be sittin' pretty for awhile.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY?
I SAY WHO %@@#ING CARES!!!!?!?
I'm so happy for my friends. SO UNBELIEVABLY EXCITED.
They found their other penguin! The will have babies one day! And I get to watch and hold that new human hours after its born! Maybe I'll even be a Godmother! They will pick out flowers and venues and flavors for a cake that I GET TO EAT! They will stress over color palets and arguments with the mother in law and I get to help! His/Her house becomes THEIR house. That is so cool. I get to help paint THEIR house probably, cause thats what newly married couples make their friends do, and the unwritten rule is they must provide pizza. Man, I just love that. All of it. Society tries so hard to ruin this tradition and STILL - we keep coming back to 1+1. Its so beautiful.
I love weddings. I love other people's weddings. I love flowers and dancing and bouquet tosses and friends and kisses and white dresses and baby quiches on fancy platters and awkward maid of honor speeches and something borrowed and MANNNN just... its the best. (I do not like any of this if the marriage seems rushed or its clearly a terrible match - thats another blog post, eh)
I refuse to be sad that its my friends and not me.
In fact, I couldn't even be sad if I tried.
I'm too excited for everyone else!
And I'm exciting because I. Believe. In. True. Love.
It will happen for me one day, I have a peace in my heart about that for sure -
but I just don't care when.
In the meantime, I'll be blissfully happy for you.
And I'll wear the dress that you picked out for me, as long as my boobs look good in it.
And I'll sing the song you want, and try REALLY HARD not to cry.
And I'll eat your cake AND OH MY GOODNESS I'LL JUST LOVE IT.
1.06.2012
one hundred schmuhundred
I know the point of a '100 calorie pack' is to only eat one, but they are like friggin' pringles!!
I CAN'T POSSIBLY STOP AT ONE.
CheezIts, forever.
1.05.2012
1.04.2012
a beautiful city
We can build a beautiful city.
Yes, we can,
Yes, we can.
We can build a beautiful city.
Not a city of angels,
But we can build a city of men.
Yes, we can,
Yes, we can.
We can build a beautiful city.
Not a city of angels,
But we can build a city of men.
When your trust is all but shattered, and when your faith is all but killed,
you can give up.. bitter and battered... OR you can slowly start to build.
12.31.2011
pretty...
"I wouldn't want a boy to think I was pretty unless
he was the kind of boy who thought I was pretty."
12.22.2011
post college thoughts
too bad its so hard to eat a lunchable while laying down.
I would have enjoyed that.
I would have enjoyed that.
12.18.2011
I've had a hard week.
Sunday - slept through ALL 4 of my alarms, missed church when a friend was waiting to take me in front of my apartment, started getting ready for work & felt sick - threw up - had to call into work, couldn't sleep, threw up again, went to the choral concert & sang Handel on NO energy, came home, wrote 2 papers, stayed up till 7am.
Monday - got up at 8:45, went to my review class, went back to bed, slept till 12:30, went to work @ 1:30, got off at 7, studied for my Spanish & World Civ2 exams until 5 in the morning. Couldn't sleep - stayed awake till 7:30am.
Tuesday - showered, went to my exam @8, slaughtered it, studied more for my Spanish final, took it at 10, halfway slaughtered it, layed down in bed at 11:30. COULDN'T SLEEP - finally passed out at 3:30, slept like a bear till 7. Woke up, studied for my Issues In Science exam till midnight. Drugged myself to sleep a full night.
Wednesday - Carlie woke me up @ 9:40, took my Science exam, slaughtered it, got dressed, watching a depressing intervention with Carlie, went to the library, wrote 2 papers, went to work at 5:30 till 11, made french fries to calm down, and studied for my theory test till 2am.
Thursday - Woke up WAY late, studied for another hour, took my Commercial Theory test at 3:30, MURDERED IT, (a perfect 100, thaaaanks, never been so HAPPY IN MY LIFE) handed it in, did a happy dance, & IMMEDIATELY started crying. Called my mom, cried on the phone, talked to my dad, this carried on for an hour or so. It was mostly a relived/happy cry, but a twinge of sadness mixed in too. I couldn't stop thinking "WHAT NOW?"
Went to work, had a million people congratulate me, closed the store in a tornado of glitter cause I WANTED TO GO CELEBRATE. Went home, got dressed, went out with my best girlfriends and their boyfriends, 5th wheeled it for 2 hours, (Which I strangely like doing... I'm weird) Jonathan rescued me from my dancing alone woes, danced with my wallet until my favorite song came on, got so excited I decided to put my wallet down to dance in freedom, AND THEN I GOT ROBBED.
MY CELEBRATION OF THE END OF 5 'BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE' ONLY LASTED 3 HOURS, AND THEN I WAS CRYING AGAIN. great, cool, wow.
Some girl took my wallet, which had my brand new iPhone in its brand new case, my car keys, my apartment keys, both my bank cards, my license, and my free panty Victoria Secret card. OH and my Sweet CiCi's punch card, with only one punch left till I got a free cup.
I cried in front of the place like a baby. I cried all night long, actually. Jonathan took us all home. Carlie & Tyler tried to track the girl down but couldn't find her. I called Apple, both banks, and the police to make sure the asshole couldn't steal my car.
Friday - slept/pouted till 2, called & made sure everything got cancelled, got my old stupid phone activated again, went to make sure my car was still in the lot, came home, stayed in my PJs all day & tried to stop being mad. Mom overnighted the spare we THINK belonged to my car.
Saturday - A friend took me to work, checked out crazy coupon obsessed Christmas shoppers all day, got a ride to my car, the key worked thank God, went to FedEx to fax my phone claim, got a fax for free cause I had NO money (presh lady, I'll remember her forever) came home, got back in my PJs, made dinner and more dinner & cupcakes, hung out with Carlie & Cade & Cameron & forgot all the silly wallet problems for 3 whole hours. While simultaneously eating french fries.
Sunday - Got up on time, went to church, came home, wrote this. I'm about to meet my girlfraaaands at the Flea Market.
This week is already better.
Last week sucked and I'm worn out.
So glad its over.
And so glad I wrote this all down
so now I can stop complaining about it all and shut up!!
HOLLA.
Monday - got up at 8:45, went to my review class, went back to bed, slept till 12:30, went to work @ 1:30, got off at 7, studied for my Spanish & World Civ2 exams until 5 in the morning. Couldn't sleep - stayed awake till 7:30am.
Tuesday - showered, went to my exam @8, slaughtered it, studied more for my Spanish final, took it at 10, halfway slaughtered it, layed down in bed at 11:30. COULDN'T SLEEP - finally passed out at 3:30, slept like a bear till 7. Woke up, studied for my Issues In Science exam till midnight. Drugged myself to sleep a full night.
Wednesday - Carlie woke me up @ 9:40, took my Science exam, slaughtered it, got dressed, watching a depressing intervention with Carlie, went to the library, wrote 2 papers, went to work at 5:30 till 11, made french fries to calm down, and studied for my theory test till 2am.
Thursday - Woke up WAY late, studied for another hour, took my Commercial Theory test at 3:30, MURDERED IT, (a perfect 100, thaaaanks, never been so HAPPY IN MY LIFE) handed it in, did a happy dance, & IMMEDIATELY started crying. Called my mom, cried on the phone, talked to my dad, this carried on for an hour or so. It was mostly a relived/happy cry, but a twinge of sadness mixed in too. I couldn't stop thinking "WHAT NOW?"
Went to work, had a million people congratulate me, closed the store in a tornado of glitter cause I WANTED TO GO CELEBRATE. Went home, got dressed, went out with my best girlfriends and their boyfriends, 5th wheeled it for 2 hours, (Which I strangely like doing... I'm weird) Jonathan rescued me from my dancing alone woes, danced with my wallet until my favorite song came on, got so excited I decided to put my wallet down to dance in freedom, AND THEN I GOT ROBBED.
MY CELEBRATION OF THE END OF 5 'BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE' ONLY LASTED 3 HOURS, AND THEN I WAS CRYING AGAIN. great, cool, wow.
Some girl took my wallet, which had my brand new iPhone in its brand new case, my car keys, my apartment keys, both my bank cards, my license, and my free panty Victoria Secret card. OH and my Sweet CiCi's punch card, with only one punch left till I got a free cup.
I cried in front of the place like a baby. I cried all night long, actually. Jonathan took us all home. Carlie & Tyler tried to track the girl down but couldn't find her. I called Apple, both banks, and the police to make sure the asshole couldn't steal my car.
Friday - slept/pouted till 2, called & made sure everything got cancelled, got my old stupid phone activated again, went to make sure my car was still in the lot, came home, stayed in my PJs all day & tried to stop being mad. Mom overnighted the spare we THINK belonged to my car.
Saturday - A friend took me to work, checked out crazy coupon obsessed Christmas shoppers all day, got a ride to my car, the key worked thank God, went to FedEx to fax my phone claim, got a fax for free cause I had NO money (presh lady, I'll remember her forever) came home, got back in my PJs, made dinner and more dinner & cupcakes, hung out with Carlie & Cade & Cameron & forgot all the silly wallet problems for 3 whole hours. While simultaneously eating french fries.
Sunday - Got up on time, went to church, came home, wrote this. I'm about to meet my girlfraaaands at the Flea Market.
This week is already better.
Last week sucked and I'm worn out.
So glad its over.
And so glad I wrote this all down
so now I can stop complaining about it all and shut up!!
HOLLA.
12.13.2011
WORLD CIVILIZATION 2 EXAM WAHOOO YEAH YEAH YEAHHH
****PEOPLE ARE SO FASCINATING.
WE'RE SO STUPID AND TERRIBLY INTELLIGENT AT THE SAME TIME AND WE GO IN CIRLES AND DO THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AND THEN ONE DAY WE LEARN SOMETHING, BUT THEN WE DIE AND OUR KIDS MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES UNTIL THEY GET IT TOO AND WE ALL WRITE DOWN OUR EXPERIENCES FOR PEOPLE TO READ BUT SOMEHOW IT STILL ALL GETS FORGOTTEN TILL IT HAPPENS AGAIN AND THEN WE SHOW CLIPS ABOUT THESE 'UNAVOIDABLE PROBLEMS' ON TV ON NATIONAL HOLIDAYS. THE ONLY THING THATS NEW FROM 100 YEARS AGO IS NOW, ALL NATIONAL HOLIDAYS HAVE OFFICIAL 'SNACK FOODS'. IT WASN'T LIKE THAT BEFORE. UNLESS THEY JUST LEFT THAT OUT OF MY HISTORY BOOK. THATS PROBABLY IT - WHICH PROVES MY POINT - I NEVER KNOW THE WHOLE STORY SO I'M LIKE A FRIGGIN ISRAELITE IN THE DESERT WAITING ON MOSES TO DOOOOO SOOOOOMETHING, NEVER LEARNING MY LESSON AND THEN I'M JUST ANOTHER DUMB HUMAN RUNNING IN CIRCLES TOO, UGH EMBARRASSING.
I'm obsessed with studying for this final. Its like I can JUST know the answers for the test, OR I can ACTUALLY KNOWWWWW what happened by googling the shiz out of every single term on my exam review. There are only 105, I'll sleep when I'm dead. MAYBE THAT WAY I'LL LEARN HOW NOT TO REPEAT THE HOLOCAUST OKAY?
wow, i'm not even medicated or caffeinated. This is just a natural history high, brought to you by 2:57am.
I mean this. I love it. I graduate in 3 days... is it too late to change my major?? Eh?
***sorry about all the caps, I think its this a side effect of the Turkish apple tea I'm drinking, which is laced with Bulgarian grime & Croatian sand. THE WORLD IS SO FREAKING COOL, BYE.
WE'RE SO STUPID AND TERRIBLY INTELLIGENT AT THE SAME TIME AND WE GO IN CIRLES AND DO THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AND THEN ONE DAY WE LEARN SOMETHING, BUT THEN WE DIE AND OUR KIDS MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES UNTIL THEY GET IT TOO AND WE ALL WRITE DOWN OUR EXPERIENCES FOR PEOPLE TO READ BUT SOMEHOW IT STILL ALL GETS FORGOTTEN TILL IT HAPPENS AGAIN AND THEN WE SHOW CLIPS ABOUT THESE 'UNAVOIDABLE PROBLEMS' ON TV ON NATIONAL HOLIDAYS. THE ONLY THING THATS NEW FROM 100 YEARS AGO IS NOW, ALL NATIONAL HOLIDAYS HAVE OFFICIAL 'SNACK FOODS'. IT WASN'T LIKE THAT BEFORE. UNLESS THEY JUST LEFT THAT OUT OF MY HISTORY BOOK. THATS PROBABLY IT - WHICH PROVES MY POINT - I NEVER KNOW THE WHOLE STORY SO I'M LIKE A FRIGGIN ISRAELITE IN THE DESERT WAITING ON MOSES TO DOOOOO SOOOOOMETHING, NEVER LEARNING MY LESSON AND THEN I'M JUST ANOTHER DUMB HUMAN RUNNING IN CIRCLES TOO, UGH EMBARRASSING.
I'm obsessed with studying for this final. Its like I can JUST know the answers for the test, OR I can ACTUALLY KNOWWWWW what happened by googling the shiz out of every single term on my exam review. There are only 105, I'll sleep when I'm dead. MAYBE THAT WAY I'LL LEARN HOW NOT TO REPEAT THE HOLOCAUST OKAY?
wow, i'm not even medicated or caffeinated. This is just a natural history high, brought to you by 2:57am.
I mean this. I love it. I graduate in 3 days... is it too late to change my major?? Eh?
***sorry about all the caps, I think its this a side effect of the Turkish apple tea I'm drinking, which is laced with Bulgarian grime & Croatian sand. THE WORLD IS SO FREAKING COOL, BYE.
12.12.2011
self vs self, round 284748
Today, I thought to myself
"Don't be so cocky, you're bound to fail eventually".
about 2 hours later, I thought to myself
"Don't be so hard on yourself, you're bound to succeed eventually".
I'm getting another tattoo. 'Contradiction', on my forehead probably.
"Don't be so cocky, you're bound to fail eventually".
about 2 hours later, I thought to myself
"Don't be so hard on yourself, you're bound to succeed eventually".
I'm getting another tattoo. 'Contradiction', on my forehead probably.
12.01.2011
G/Em/D/Asus/A7/C
I will play my guitar
& sing a Christmas song
at my home church
on Dec. 25th.
I will not chicken out.
I will not chicken out.
I will not chicken out.
I will not chicken out.
I will not chicken out.
I will not chicken out.
I will not chicken out.
I will not chicken out.
in front of 200+ people...
in front of 200+ people...
BUT I WILL NOT CHICKEN OUT.
Its only 5 chords.
Come on lil' fingers.
Lets do this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)