Today was slightly miserable, but on the 17th...
On the 17th, I forgot.
I didn't realize it was the 3 month mark of that terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night.
Thats progress, right? Don't answer that.
Because I thought for sure I'd never NOT be aware of the 14th or 17th of EVERY month for years to come... but maybe that isn't true. I'm not convinced yet, but just... maybe?
Today, the 19th, I agonized and cried and wished everything was different, and forced myself to think about the 3,482,364,283,525 terrible moments so I could forget about the wonderful ones, and thought about all the things I would have done for you today, and what present I would have given you, and I wondered if you would have been annoyed with me if we went out with your friends (probably... no, definitely), and I missed everything you could possibly miss before finally remembering how little you knew me and how terrible you were capable of making me feel.
But on Sunday - I somehow didn't obsess over any of that. Not even at midnight.
I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel...
not even a little bit...
but at least now, I believe I possibly could.
The truth is - you literally can't even fathom how much love you've been missing.
"You can love someone so much,
but you can never love someone
as much as you can miss them"
- John Green
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