Wrecked

I was just going to the bank. Minding my own business.

He walked out in front of my car, and he wrecked me.

I didn't even try to swerve. I ran smack into him.


He knew he wasn't okay. He knew this would happen. He knew that i would give him the attention and support he had just lost. He needed it so bad... and knew he wasn't in the position to give it to himself.

He needed me so bad... but not how a boy should need a girl.

It was disguised pretty well. I saw it... but not really.

He always told me i was different. So different.

Was I?

Shelby Park

I went to the not-so-frozen pond tonight. Probably shouldn't have. I just missed you.

I did that thing that we did sometimes... and only sometimes. In ways it made me feel better. In other ways, i just felt stupid. Why does that make people feel better?

I'm glad that song is ten minutes long. Never noticed it before... i just keep listening. And you never left my head. I finally asked if you thought we were actually falling in love... You couldn't answer. Doesn't that probably mean you weren't?

I guess it was just me. Cause I was. You said it. But I meant it. If you come back... I'll know you meant it. If you don't... I'll know you didn't. Simple.

I really hope you come back.

i grew up today

not a lot, just a little. I'm just much closer to twenty one day than I ever have been.

also, i need a couch.

That song.

You know that song.

The one that you have to turn off cause it makes you so sad?
The one that you used to love, but he ruined it for you?
The one that you hear the very first chord and your heart sinks?

i have more than one of those songs. Actually, i have fiftykajillion.

But. Right now. I'm listening to the one that used to hurt the most.

And for the first time in over a year... I'm just enjoying it. I'm not crying. I'm not slapping him over and over in my head. I'm not upset.

What? How could I not be upset?




This is a new Kathleen.


oh, but of course, I'm on to a new problem... My heart is too big to not have a hurt somewhere. There are brand new songs to hate, a new person to miss. I feel it already. Its happening all over again.



BUT.
THIS ONE SONG.
It doesn't hurt.


That is amazing.